235: Empowering your Career and Overcoming Hurdles with Aoife O’Brien

Aoife O’Brien [00:00:00]:

Hello, and you’re very welcome to the award winning Happier at Work podcast. This is the career and culture podcast for people first leaders. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Today, I’m talking about a topic that for me is super important. One of the, I guess, cornerstones of the podcast. So it’s all about career management, career development, whatever you want to call it. But if you’re feeling stuck in your career, this is the episode for you. I have felt like this several times in my career, and I want to share some of the insights that I’ve learned from personal stories, but also really break it down for you to to try and unpack and uncover.

Aoife O’Brien [00:00:37]:

And this is one of the topics that I’ve been asked most about this year. So between career development and imposter syndrome, they’re the 2 topics that I’ve covered most this year in my training, in my corporate programs, in my speaking engagements. This is just a topic that keeps coming up again and again. And I think companies are realizing that a huge way to drive retention is to educate their teams on how do you actually manage your career because, you know, gone are the days where we stay in one company for a great length of time. It’s really changed over the years where people tend to change within a couple of years. And if they’re not feeling a great understanding of what the career path looks like in that specific organization because organizations, let’s face it, they don’t teach people how to manage their careers. They just say, here’s all of these amazing tools that we have, but actually people don’t know on a a really grassroots level how to take responsibility and and accountability for their own careers. So all of that to say, this is a topic that has come up again and again and again.

Aoife O’Brien [00:01:44]:

So I thought it’d be really worth my while to share some of the insights, both personal experience and from what I’ve seen in organizations as well. Really, I suppose, how do like, what does it actually feel like to be stuck in your career? And for you personally, have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt a sense of, you know and and I think it’s often described as just feeling a sense of, you know, I just feel stuck. I just feel stuck. So it can raise itself in many different guises. Here are the some of the most common ones that that I have come across and experienced firsthand myself as well. So the first one is feeling bored or not really challenged in the role, and I know certainly I have felt that a couple of times. And that’s not to say that we have to feel super challenged all the time. There are times in our career when it’s okay to kind of sit back.

Aoife O’Brien [00:02:38]:

Maybe there’s something going on outside of work. Maybe we just have a different priorities right now. So it’s not all about being ambitious all the time. But if you’re again, this this sense of stuckness that you’re feeling like, I’m not doing what I what it is I want to do, I feel like I have so much more to offer, then this sense of boredom could be something that’s that’s driving that. That you don’t feel challenged enough, that you’re not really exercising your brain, you’re not reaching your full potential. Another sign is feeling disengaged, that you just you just don’t really care about the work. Maybe you’re not having the impact that you would like to have. Maybe you don’t see the connection between what you’re doing on a day to day basis and the impact that that is having on other members of the team, the impact that it’s having on the end clients.

Aoife O’Brien [00:03:26]:

You’re not making that connection, so you don’t feel that connected to the work that you’re actually doing on a day to day basis. Now here’s the other quite common one as well, and that’s dreading going into work. So whether that’s in the mornings and, you know, if you’re again, in this day of hybrid, it’s like just not really feeling like you want to even start the day, when you’re commuting into work that, you know, maybe you’re waiting outside before you actually go in, maybe on a Sunday evening or even earlier, Sunday afternoon, you’re just starting to feel that dread in the pit of your stomach, and you really don’t want to go into work the next day. So it’s a sure sign that something is going on that needs to be addressed. Maybe you’re in a situation where there’s no room for growth, so you feel like you’ve contributed everything you can. There’s not really a clear path for you in the current situation that you’re in, so you just don’t see any opportunities for you to to grow and develop any further. And you do want to grow and develop further, but you don’t see any opportunities in the immediate vicinity that you’re in currently. Maybe there’s a mismatch.

Aoife O’Brien [00:04:35]:

So it could be a mismatch with the job, with the skills that you have, with the values that you hold dear, or it could be a mismatch with the interest, you know, it’s not really something that’s sparking your interest. And I know certainly this has happened to me several times where there’s been a values mismatch, there’s been a skills mismatch. I’ll I’ll explain a little bit more about that in a minute. It it could be a mismatch with your boss. So maybe your boss is not managing you in the way that you’d like to be managed. Maybe you need additional direction. Maybe they’re a micromanager. So there could be a mismatch there, and that’s causing you to feel like you’re a little bit stuck.

Aoife O’Brien [00:05:17]:

And then even beyond that, maybe they’re taking credit for your ideas, maybe they’re blocking you in some way, holding you in the same position because you’re such a good worker. Like, there’s all of these things that can happen that can cause us to feel like we’re really, really stuck in our careers. The simple answer is you just don’t know what it is that you want. Maybe you’ve never thought about it, maybe what you want has changed over time, your circumstances have changed and so you have changed. And then another description that I hear all the time is my ladder feels like it’s up against the wrong wall. So you’ve got really high in your career, but actually you get to a certain stage and you think this is not really what I wanted. It’s not how I expected it to be. And this can happen when we focus so much on the destination without really thinking about the journey to get there.

Aoife O’Brien [00:06:08]:

So for me, it’s all about the journey. It’s all about enjoying what you do on a day to day basis and not not that you’re not focused on the destination, but there’s no point in being really miserable at work and then expecting things to change when you arrive at that amazing destination. You got the promotion. Whatever sort of recognition that it was that you were going for, you think that everything is suddenly gonna change and get really, really better. And then you take a look around and realize, hey, I think I’ve been going after the wrong goal after all. So those are the the the ways maybe that you can feel stuck in your career and some of the reasons why. So having unclear goals, I know certainly for me for a long time, I just was drifting. You know, I was looking at, well, what is the next step from where I am now rather than thinking of this bigger picture of, okay, what is it that I really want for my career? And I was also so focused on the next move and I’m getting that type of recognition without thinking of, okay, if this is the end goal, then what steps do I need to take to the end goal? So do do I need to maybe work in a different department? Do I need to learn a different skill? I was so focused on getting as quickly as possible to the top essentially that I took my eyes off, like, what’s what will really make a difference here? What skills do I want? What do I enjoy doing? Going back to this idea of the journey.

Aoife O’Brien [00:07:34]:

Then there can be external pressures. So it’s the expectations of other people. It’s financial stress. So I’m staying in this role because it’s it pays good money and, you know, again, if I had a a euro for every time I’ve had a conversation about that, I wouldn’t need to do this podcast. Then there is external pressures, you know, societal expectations that we assume that people think that we should do a certain thing. There’s a fear of change then as well. So maybe maybe change is something that’s really scary for you, and it’s actually better the devil you know. So you stay where you are because changing would actually be be too difficult.

Aoife O’Brien [00:08:16]:

You have this underlying fear that if I make a change, then what is what’s that going to mean? And maybe a fear that you have to start at the bottom if you restart your career essentially. Then there is, a sense of burnout. So if you just don’t have the energy to take on the challenge of figuring out what it is you want in your career and taking the actions to make that happen because you’re just depleted from all of the work that you have going on at the moment. Again, tying in with this idea of disengagement. So maybe it’s, you know, you’re not engaged and therefore you’re getting to a stage of burnout. And touching on this idea of the toxic boss or the toxic workplace, maybe maybe you’re being blocked by that boss. And I know certainly, you know, to share some personal examples of mine, I’ve been in situations a few times where I’ve had a toxic boss. And in one stage, when he became my manager, there definitely was no room for me to move beyond where he was.

Aoife O’Brien [00:09:20]:

So I felt I was very much stuck. I wasn’t being challenged in the role, and I didn’t really see a way out. So eventually, I left that organization. There was another, time in my career as well where I touched on the the point earlier, but it was just a really strong mismatch of my skills. I very deliberately chose that role, again, based on ego because it was a more senior role, but it wasn’t something that really helped my interest. It wasn’t something that I could do a really excellent job at. It wasn’t a great match for the skills that I had. I did my best in that role, and I made some changes and I improved things, but it I just didn’t care that much.

Aoife O’Brien [00:10:00]:

I just it just wasn’t something that really lit my fire, so to speak. So there’s all of these things that can happen in our career. And as I mentioned, for such a long time, I just had no idea what that destination was. And I think for so many of us, we don’t really think about what that destination actually is. Like, what is it that you want from your career? And not just the destination, but the journey. Thinking about what do I want to be doing on a day to day basis? Like, what do I really enjoy? And the permission to actually enjoy work because so you know, how it’s portrayed in media a lot of the time is that that work is supposed to suck. Work is supposed to be something that you don’t really enjoy. Work is something that you know, work is work and it’s not supposed to be something that you go and enjoy.

Aoife O’Brien [00:10:48]:

But actually, I’m here to change that message and say, well, work is something that you can enjoy. You know, it is it’s how we spend most of our time. So why wouldn’t you want to enjoy what what it is that you do? So now touching on some of the steps that you can take to start addressing this issue of feeling stuck in your career. So the first one is reflect and reassess. So that’s really all about knowing yourself, knowing what it is that you want. Start asking those questions. Start figuring out, is this a mismatch of my job, my boss, my company? Either, you know, what what is actually going on? For me, something I always talk about is understanding what your core values are. So do you know what your core values are? Again, in my happier at work framework, I talk about values, I talk about needs or drivers, so understanding where your needs are being met or where they’re not being met, and then understanding your strengths.

Aoife O’Brien [00:11:49]:

There are so many online tools, both free and paid, that you can take to understand your strengths a bit better. You can ask other people, like, what do they think you’re good at? And a question I heard the other day, actually, I think it was on another podcast, but it was it was something along the lines of what do you think that I’m good at, but I don’t get the the opportunity to actually develop that very well. So, you know, you can ask your friends, you can ask your colleagues, but, really, it’s about reassessing what’s working, what’s not working so well, and who am I and what do I actually want. And permission to do that because it’s so important. It’s how you spend most of your time. And if you are thinking, oh, I don’t have the time to do this, how much longer are you gonna stay in that position where you’re like, I I still haven’t got it all figured out. So given that this episode is coming out towards the end of the year and people start thinking about this stuff in the new year, new year, new career, new year, new all of that kind of stuff, I thought it’s really timely to share this kind of information. So step 1, reflect and reassess.

Aoife O’Brien [00:12:56]:

Step 2 then is about exploring options. And, you know, when we talk about career change, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you change your industry, that you change your role, that you change your organization. You can try and find something with what you’re currently doing. You can try and add some of the additional things into the role that you’re currently doing. Can you take on a project? Can you pivot within the same organization to do more of the things that you enjoy? Can you create a role for yourself by job crafting, by taking on more of the things that you enjoy. And again, there are 2 very solid examples that I’m aware of recently where people did just that. They focused on the things that they enjoyed most. They turned it into almost a mini business within the organization, and then they they switched into that and grew their own team doing something that they really, really enjoyed.

Aoife O’Brien [00:13:49]:

So don’t discount that as an option as well. And then other options, obviously, you know, if you want to change industry, if you want to if you want to change organization because you realize that the organization is just not a good fit for you or it’s not a good fit anymore, it has evolved over time. Number 3 then is about investing in yourself. So this can be about learning a new skill. Is there an online course that you can do? Is there a book that you can read to understand more about yourself, to understand more about the industry that you want to get into, or the role that you want to have for yourself? But you can also mean investing in yourself by finding a coach or a mentor, really just about giving permission to yourself to think about these things, to have the time, and to invest the money in in getting external help to figure this stuff out. Number 4 then is about building your network and the importance of this. So there’s a few different ways that this is important. So number 1 is oftentimes jobs are found through people within your network.

Aoife O’Brien [00:14:55]:

So it’s not about going out and kind of cold pitching for a job somewhere else. This can happen internally. This can happen externally in other organizations. But people love to talk about themselves and love to talk about how they got to where they are in their career. And so if you just invite people for a coffee or an online coffee and ask them, like, what is it that you did? I really admire the journey that you’ve been on, and I’d love to know a little bit more about what you did to get to where you are in your career. And that’s, you know, again, coming from a really genuine place that this is something that you really want to find out more about. But also, you know, building that network, you can hear about other roles or hear people’s journeys and what they did, especially if there are people who, you know, it you from the outside, you think, wow, I’d love to do what they do. But then learning more about what the day to day of that role entails, maybe it’s maybe you realize that it’s not something that’s for you.

Aoife O’Brien [00:15:57]:

So so many different benefits to to building your career, or sorry, to to building your network. And then the next step is about taking small risks. And this is something I talk about all the time in the context of impostor syndrome. You don’t have to take huge giant leaps in order to make change. You can make changes at a very small scale and the benefit of making changes on a very small scale is that it’s lower risk that, you know, you don’t feel like you’ve failed in front of a whole load of people. And I think this is something that I’m realizing is the fear for most people. It’s not the fear of of making a mistake or failing. It’s actually the failure in front of other people.

Aoife O’Brien [00:16:39]:

So what will other people think if I say I’m going to make this big change and I don’t make it or it doesn’t work out? It’s really the fear of what other people will think beyond anything else. This is something that I’m I’m kind of only recently realizing. It’s not just the fear of the bad thing happening, it’s what will other people think of the bad thing that’s happened. But if you can identify, well, what are some small steps that I can take that are that are quite low risk and that have a high chance of success? Because by taking action, it’s showing that this is what my intention is. It’s also a way to build up our confidence because oftentimes we think that we need to psych ourselves up, that we need to plan our way into having confidence, but confidence comes from taking action. So those small actions that you can take to manage your career, and that will be different for every single one of you listening today. But think about what those small actions are and how can you start taking those small actions today. Even if it’s doing a small bit of research, it could be reaching out to someone whose career you admire.

Aoife O’Brien [00:17:47]:

You know, there are little things that you can do that signal to yourself and to other people that change is on the way. Number 6 then is creating an action plan. So when’s the last time you have an action plan for your career? That’s really about figuring out, well, what are the goals that I have in my career? And not just thinking about those goals, but taking the action to write them down. I did a career web a career webinar earlier this year, and it’s something I’m looking to repeat again in early 2020 5. If you want to know more details about that, I will put a link down in the show notes so you can connect with me about that. But really, you know, the feedback that I got from that was just simply writing down the goals helped people to achieve their goals. And sometimes we are so afraid to write things down in case they don’t work out, in case you know, what if I write something down and then I’m reviewing it again in 90 days and I haven’t achieved that goal? That’s really about bringing in self compassion. Are you moving in the right direction? Just because you’ve written it down and haven’t achieved it, and I’m saying this, by the way, because I am the same.

Aoife O’Brien [00:19:07]:

I’m so reluctant to write down my goals a lot of the time because what if they don’t work out? But actually, like I say, it’s about moving in that right direction, knowing what that right direction is. It’s a signal to your brain, then your brain will look out for these opportunities that align with those goals that you’ve written down, and you’re so much more likely to actually achieve it if you’ve written them down. So make sure to write down your goals. And that has been it for today’s episode of the Happier at Work podcast. As I mentioned, this is something that I have talked about, in a webinar earlier this year, and I will be doing one in early 2025. So do definitely keep an an ear out for that. And if you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, don’t forget to leave a comment, leave a rating, or review on your favorite platform as well.