255: How to Give Effective and Impactful Feedback at Work

Aoife O’Brien [00:00:15]:

Why is it that feedback is a word that still sends shiver down most people’s spines. I think if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of feedback that was just unhelpful or at worst offensive or if you feel really nervous to give feedback or if you’re not sure if you’re gonna get it right or feel like you have to soften the blow a little bit, then this episode is absolutely for you. It’s all about delivering effective feedback. So the huge focus will be around how to give feedback. We’re not talking about receiving feedback. I will share a couple of insights about that as well, though. Now before we get started, a couple of things to share from me. I do remember this one time, and it really sticks in my mind, where I was up for promotion and I had agreed with my boss that over the next three months, we were gonna review how I was getting on.

Aoife O’Brien [00:01:10]:

We were gonna meet on a regular basis, and he would share insights about how I needed to improve. And at the end of those three months, we would decide we, he, would decide whether I was up for promotion or not. So we got to the end of those three months. Open to that point, everything was going brilliantly. There was no hint that I was off track or anything like that. And when it came to asking for feedback, and I did obviously ask for feedback on why I wasn’t being put up for promotion, the answer I got was less than helpful. So it’s just the little things. When I probed a little bit more, he told me he would need to review the job description.

Aoife O’Brien [00:01:48]:

So to me, it was a total and utter cop out. Now I did end up being promoted in that role, but absolutely no thanks to him. And I think it’s something you know, it’s a it’s a common thing that people struggle with giving effective feedback, feedback that’s really useful and that will actually drive change. Something I get asked about so regularly is feedback, and I often direct people to articles that I’ve written about it. I deliver webinars internally in organizations about delivering effective feedback because I think it’s something that so many of us get wrong. And at the time of this recording, I ran a publicly available webinar for free a few weeks ago all about this topic of feedback. Now if you wanna be the first to hear about when I run these webinars, then you need to sign up to my mailing list. I’ll put a link below in the show notes so you can sign up to that, and you will hear about that absolutely the you’ll be the first to hear about that.

Aoife O’Brien [00:02:50]:

Now when it comes to challenges around feedback, this is what people have told me. They don’t want to offend the other person. The timing, so remembering to do it throughout the year or remembering to give it in a timely manner. So they’re not waiting a couple of weeks to give the feedback, giving it in the moment when the time is actually right and when it’s meaningful, and when someone can remember what was going on and they can affect the change essentially. They want the big challenge as well is to make sure that the feedback is clear, that it’s not confusing to the recipient, that they don’t get mixed messages about, oh, well, this one thing is going great, but actually this other thing over here is terrible. You need to be really clear about what needs to improve. And then that the feedback is actually going to result in change because at its heart the reason for giving feedback is to see a change in behaviour. So the behaviour is not meeting expectations and it needs to change.

Aoife O’Brien [00:03:51]:

And then the last one is because we feel so uncomfortable giving feedback. And I think this links to the top, to the very first one I mentioned about not offending people. We’re so afraid to offend people and we feel really uncomfortable sharing things that we perceive to be really hard truths. But why is feedback important? So number one to me is this idea of self awareness. If we’re not getting feedback then we can’t grow in self awareness. And, again, this comes up a lot, but it’s the difference between the impact that we want to have and the intention that we have. So the impact is how we’re showing up. It’s the behaviors that people are seeing.

Aoife O’Brien [00:04:32]:

But the intention, and that’s what people don’t see, is the intention behind it. So we might have a positive intention, but actually the impact that we’re having, it has negative consequences, and that’s not necessarily what people see. And we need to be made aware of that if there’s a mismatch between our intention and what other how other people are perceiving us. And so self awareness, that’s really the first thing. And to me, that’s the core of really good leadership is growing in self awareness and always looking to learn and and leading with curiosity. Now the second one is that it improves performance. So that can be your own performance, but it can also be the performance of your team. So if you’re sharing feedback, both positive and developmental and constructive feedback, this is something that’s gonna result in improved performance because you’re delivering that feedback on a regular basis about what’s expected and where people are not meeting expectations.

Aoife O’Brien [00:05:29]:

And where they are meeting expectations, you want to see more of that behaviour if you deliver that feedback to them. It’s also about self improvement. So how can we improve ourselves professionally and personally when we get feedback? It’s looking for those gaps. Okay. Where where do those gaps exist and how can I close those gaps to improve my performance? And then it also builds psychological safety and trust. So if you’re getting regular feedback, if you’re giving regular feedback, it builds that bond between people. And it’s okay to speak up about things, and it’s okay to challenge because you’ve built up that trust with someone because you’re giving them that feedback. It’s also a really great way to share wins, and I’m referring specifically to positive feedback, which is something I think we often forget, and I’ll come on to that, in a second and share some personal examples of that.

Aoife O’Brien [00:06:23]:

But it’s a great way to resolve issues as well, especially if there’s some issues around the team dynamics, if there’s some conflict or friction happening within the team. Feedback is a great way to make sure that those things don’t fester, that they don’t grow into something bigger than what they need to be, and that you can manage things in time. So coming on to positive feedback now as I mentioned, and this has happened to me a couple of times in my career where someone in my team has come to me seeking out feedback which is brilliant, which is great that they’re looking for feedback but really bad on my part and I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t proactively share that positive feedback. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up and we think if someone’s performing well that they must know they’re performing well and there’s no need to tell them. But, actually, I think oftentimes the opposite is true. We’re so aware of our own weaknesses that we do need that reassurance that we’re doing things well. So I’ve made that mistake twice. I definitely won’t make it a third time, but people have come to me in my team and and sought out that reassuring, that positive feedback.

Aoife O’Brien [00:07:28]:

So just a reminder, don’t forget to share that because oftentimes, we don’t know. So do share that feedback with your team. If you see something really positive happening, definitely don’t forget. Now I mentioned at the start that I’m gonna touch on this idea of receiving feedback. It’s not what this entire podcast episode is about. It’s about giving feedback. But when it comes to receiving feedback, when you’re seeking out feedback, it’s so much more important to be specific about what you’re looking for feedback on. It’s so hard to answer the question, kind of, have you got a bit of feedback for me? If you’re looking to improve in a very specific area, if you’re looking to get feedback on your leadership style, on how a particular presentation went, whatever it might be, ask for that ask ask for that very specific feedback.

Aoife O’Brien [00:08:18]:

The other thing to bear in mind when it comes to receiving feedback is you don’t have to take everything on board. You can try the feedback on for size. Is it something that’s in line? Does it seem like it’s consistent? Is it something that you’re looking to improve on? Is it maybe more of a personal attack or a difference or a clash or something? You know, you can choose to take the feedback that you want and leave the feedback that you don’t want to take on board. So always remember that as well. Now I do have another example of a positive feedback, and that is from Captain Lee. I’m showing my true colors here. It’s from a show called Below Deck, my secret shame, you might say. And he does this thing where he talks he just tells someone that they’ve done a great job, but he leaves out the specifics.

Aoife O’Brien [00:09:08]:

He just simply says, you know, you’re doing a great job. Keep up the great work. But that doesn’t help. You need to be really specific about how someone is doing a great job in order for them to continue doing what it is that you see them doing really, really well. Now one of the big challenges, and this was absolutely everyone who attended the webinar live, they all had this same issue and that was about softening the message too much. So I think we challenge, you know, going back to what I said at the start, the challenges when it comes to feedback, they soften the message too much because they don’t want to offend other people. And what I will say on that is to be clear is to be kind. That’s something that Brene Brown talks about all the time.

Aoife O’Brien [00:09:56]:

I think we need to be really clear with people, and it helps if we set expectations at the start, really clear expectations. Like, this is what I’m looking for. And when I talk about expectations, I talk about time, and I talk about quality. Now speaking of webinars, as I mentioned earlier, I did one on feedback. At the time of this recording, I will be having an upcoming webinar all about expectations. By the time this recording comes out, that that webinar will have already happened. So if you’re not on my mailing list already, definitely get on to my mailing list so you’re first to hear about when these webinars are happening. Now I want to do a whole other episode on a book that I read recently, which is called Radical Candour.

Aoife O’Brien [00:10:42]:

If you haven’t read it, absolutely like, one of the best books I’ve read in a long time or rather I’ve listened to it, but it’s one of the best books I think. It’s, for me, so, so relatable. Everything to do with business, it’s not just feedback, but the whole concept of feedback and her whole approach around radical can candor is showing someone that you really care about them as a person, that you’re you want them to develop, that you want them to improve. So you have to show people that you actually care in order to be able to challenge them directly when it comes to feedback. So you can give people that challenge so long as you’re showing them that they care that you care about them and their development and their growth. So you can challenge them directly while at the same time showing that you care, and that’s what radical candour is all about. I will do a completely separate episode all about it because the book was so good. There were so many insights I took from it.

Aoife O’Brien [00:11:44]:

So keep an ear out for that episode or keep an eye out if you’re watching on the YouTube channel. Now when it comes to feedback, the again, one of the big challenges is how timely it is. So making sure that you’re not doing feedback out of frustration, that it you know, you’re not emotionally charged, that you’re doing it at the right time, that it’s timely, that you’re not waiting till the end of the year, that you’re not waiting till the quarterly review, whatever it might be. But another way that you can always think about feedback is by seeking out permission. You know, can I give you some feedback? Another brilliant tip that I love is is asking the other person because as I mentioned earlier, we’re usually our own worst critics and we know already what went wrong or what what what is happening. So another thing to bear in mind is you can just ask people, like, how do you think it went? Now I didn’t want to inundate people with loads of different frameworks, but I just wanted to mention one framework that I find really useful is which is called the SBI, and that’s the situation behavior impact. So for example we can have a situation. So the situation is that you, you snapped while you were presenting at the client.

Aoife O’Brien [00:13:03]:

I I offered help while you’re presenting at the client and you didn’t want any help. You snapped back at me. The behavior that I noticed is okay. I think we’re just we’re just gonna skip that whole part. I’m gonna skip over the those examples. So the situation, behaviour, and impact. And if you want examples of those, again, happy to share those with you. I have loads of really great tools that share examples around situation, behaviour, and impact as well.

Aoife O’Brien [00:13:50]:

Another brilliant example that I heard a few years ago, and for ages I didn’t know where it came from, but it actually came from the Squiggly Careers podcast, which is another brilliant careers based podcast. If you haven’t checked it out, definitely go and check it out. But it’s this idea of even better if. And what it means is you can give positive feedback and then, you know, you did this presentation so well but next time it would be even better if you interacted with the clients more, for example, or if you slow down your pace. It would be even better if you slow down your pace. Now some people don’t like that approach but for me I think it’s it’s just a really nice way to give positive feedback but then also here’s a way that you can improve and it you know, it’s a slight tweak. It’s a slight improvement. Now, I wanted to leave you then with some coaching with I wanted to leave you with some feedback tips.

Aoife O’Brien [00:14:46]:

So the first one is about coaching, and I mentioned that at the start. So ask other people what they thought. We’re often our own worst critics. How do you think it went? What feedback would you have for yourself? What do you think you can do better the next time? Focus on the behavior, not the person. Think about the intent that they had versus the impact that they’re having. So it’s it’s about what we can see versus what their intention was, and always assume positive intent that people mean to be good. They don’t mean to do bad things. Set really clear expectations from the outset.

Aoife O’Brien [00:15:19]:

So have you been really clear in setting those expectations? Are you setting people up for success? Are you giving them the resources that they need in order to succeed? Ask permission for giving feedback. Maybe, you know, maybe they’re not open to feedback. Maybe they’re feeling really down on themselves at the moment. So ask that permission first. Declare the intention. My intention here is to help you improve, to help you grow in your career. Whatever that intention is, set that intention at the start of the meeting. Be proactive about sharing feedback.

Aoife O’Brien [00:15:52]:

Don’t wait for someone to ask you what you what you think is going on. Be proactive by sharing it, but also ask permission. Don’t compare to other people. If you’ve ever been in that situation, and I have, being compared to your peers and your peers might have different type of experience or they might have more experience, but you’re being directly why can’t you be more like Johnny? You know? And I’ve have had that in my career. And it’s just soul crushing. Don’t compare them to other people. And do make sure that you follow-up. So follow-up by email, check-in with someone to see how they’ve taken the feedback on board, have they implemented it, do they need support with anything, do they need any additional resources, All of that kind of thing.

Aoife O’Brien [00:16:31]:

It’s so so important to follow-up as well. And the last couple of things that I’ll leave you with, I’m doing a business accelerator at the moment, and one of the phrases they use all the time is feedback is fuel. So I know we talk about feedback being a gift and it’s a real kind of cliche, but what if we talk talked about feedback being fuel? So feedback is something that fuels our growth, and it really is. We need to get feedback in order to grow. And then the second one I want to leave you with is something I mentioned earlier, and that’s from Brene Brown. Clear is kind. It’s really kind to be clear with people and to be direct. Don’t soften the blow.

Aoife O’Brien [00:17:09]:

Be really clear, but make sure that you’ve set those expectations at the start. I really, really hope you enjoy today’s episode. I’d love to know what’s one thing that you’re gonna do differently as a result of listening or watching today. And don’t forget to interact on social media. Let me know in the comments what you’ve been up to. And if you’ve enjoyed this episode and if you enjoy the podcast, don’t forget to leave a rating or a review on your favorite platform, and I’ll be back to you again next week. Speaking of feedback, one of the best ways that you can leave feedback for the Happier at Work podcast is by leaving a rating or a review on your favorite platform. I always love to see when reviews pop up, and it’s always fantastic to hear from listeners.

Aoife O’Brien [00:17:52]:

Leaving a rating takes all of about five seconds. Leaving a review, maybe a little bit longer, but some things to ponder. What do you like most about the podcast? Why would you recommend it to a friend? Or do you have a favorite episode that you go back to again and again? I’m really looking forward to hearing your feedback.